Why am I so Obsessed with him?

Ever since I was little, I've told myself I'd never let a guy become my life. I wanted to be independent.

All of a sudden, H.V.B waltzes into my life, and I can't get him away.

I met him last year, back in 2010.

And he was just amazing.

He was cute, and sensitive, and funny, and he spoke French.

Best of all? He was mine.

We met online, and talked constantly.

The highlight of my day would be after a conversation with him, and everyone noticed a difference in my mood. I was lighter, fluffier, more amicable. The bitchy, pissy, irritable Chloe they once knew had melted away, and all because of him.

I knew that if I didn't meet him in person, I'd die.

And he must've felt the same way, because he told me he'd be in Brooklyn.

And I exploded into a puddle of fireworks.

When we met, it was instant magic, and I felt compelled to kiss him. I wasn't sure how much longer he'd be in New York before he went back to Canada, but I didn't question it, or ruin the time we had together. So, I kissed him.

Only one word to describe it.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

And then school started and fucked us over.

We lost touch.

One day, though, I was compelled to log onto the website where we had met. And his name blinked on the screen.

Oh. My. GOD.

And we caught up again. My blissful mood returned. I was whole again.

Lately, though, I've been obsessing about him, and everything he does, or says, or thinks about. We're not officially dating but we haven't broken up, either. It's complicated. Anytime he talks about another girl, I get jealous.

And last night, I dreamed about him.

He's no longer part of my world. Why do I care?

As much as I'd want for him to be part of my life again, as much as I'd love to have my fingers entwined with his curly locks of hair, as much as I'd love for us to trade sarcastic comments, or whisper sweet nothings in French to each other, it can't happen. Life moves on. He's too old to be talking to me the way he talks to me. It's illegal and gross.

But I know I will always miss him.

He will always be my first love.